[fact]
The number of cricket chirps you hear in a 15-second interval, plus 37, gives you the current air temperature.
BASK IN MY GLORY: Zac’s Top 18 Talents (in no particular order)
18 Going up and down stairs really fast.
17 Eating even faster.
16 Wiggling my ears.
15 Wending through crowds (my specialty is finding good seats & money parking spots).
14 Packing dishwashers and car trunks—my Grandpa thought maybe I should go pro.
13 Peeling oranges of any variety; 97 out of 100 come off in one piece.
12 I so totally rule at backgammon.
11 Identifying any movie I’ve ever seen from 1-2 frames, words or notes of music (truly, utterly useless).
10 Laughing at myself.
9 Getting nicks and bruises from seemingly non-violent, contact-free activities.
8 And yet, being a survival ninja outdoors.
7 Using an SLR camera (and a darkroom).
6 Concocting dishes from whatever’s left in the kitchen and should probably never legally be mixed, and actually making them non-lethal and tasty.
5 Spelling.
4 Figuring stuff out with my hands.
3 Artisan omelette-making (very much separate from #6, other than deliciousness).
2 Reading people quickly and accurately.
1 Extrapolating ideas from small kernels of stupidity.
PLUMBING THE DEPTHS: My Bottom 13 Blemishes
13 Using sinks (water gets everywhere, particularly to the left).
12 Having a sense of direction--albeit I am good with maps, especially folding them.
11 I am so so awful at having a conversation while watching TV; like a moth to light, I am.
10 Air hockey (I always score on myself, always).
9 Can’t see stereograms (those bullshit “magic eye” pictures).
8 Patience, or lack thereof, particularly in traffic.
7 Pick-up lines.
6 Post-it notes. My how they pile up.
5 Thinking before I speak (although I often save myself with some pretty clutch savoir-faire).
4 Returning phone calls.
3 Inability to listen to Christmas music for more than 7 minutes at a time (post-traumatic thing).
2 Hiding my contempt for people I don’t respect (not to be confused with dissenting opinions, which I highly respect).
1 Moderation. Try as I might, it’s just not my forte.